she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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