I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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