yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
