Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize