Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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