I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
