God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
