they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
