I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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