At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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