Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
