the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
