I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
