Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
