We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
