thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my shit smells like andre
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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