You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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