Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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