Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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