I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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