i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
