I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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