Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
