Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
