brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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