All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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