I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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