We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
