ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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