the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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