I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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