Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
