Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
