If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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