That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
