I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize