K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
