she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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