a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
