sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
