Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
