thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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