I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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