No awkward lesbian experiences without me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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