Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
