He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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