i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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