I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
