1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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