Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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