do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
