I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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