Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I think i got beer on your cat.
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