a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
