It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
