yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
