I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
