I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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