Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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