Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
