Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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