shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
