i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
