I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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