I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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