We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my being single is dangerous.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
