I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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