ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
