I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize