"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
