Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
