I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
