I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
