Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
