his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
