Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
