Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
