I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
