I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
This girl is more easily done than said...
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
