you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize