i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
