Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
