So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
