Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize