Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
