something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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