I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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