Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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