No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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