I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
