Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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