I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize