Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
