Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
