Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
