our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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