You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize