i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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