It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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