Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
