spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
They should really pass out barf bags in church
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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