i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
