Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
