We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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