All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
