i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
