he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
