I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
