We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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