she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I am available for nakedness
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
