were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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