You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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